Raising someone else's children has come with amazing blessings as well as challenges. On so many days I wonder what she would have done in certain situations and how she would've handled things. I feel guilty on my worse days because I know how hard she fought to be their mommy. 

They tried for 4 years to have these boys. She always knew she wanted to be a wife and a mom. It was her calling and purpose.  I love the pic below of her babymoon. She was glowing. Carrying two healthy little boys and she was about to have her dream come true. 

 Just a short two years after they were born she was diagnosed with cancer. You could say that life is not fair.....Mom's aren't supposed to get sick, right?  But unfortunately cancer doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care about your loving husband, or your 2 year old twin boys at home who need you.  It didnt care that she was a doctor who dedicated her life to helping others. She was in for the battle of her life. She was a follower of Christ. She believed that she could be healed.... And ideally she was. Cancer didn't kill her. 

She spent months at home, celebrating another wedding anniversary and the boys 3rd bday.  She was able to open presents with them, blow out candles and play games. 

What an amazing blessing those few months were. 

Quick education on leukemia and blood cancers. Many people require a bone marrow transplant after chemotherapy.  This wipes out the immune system, making one physically weak and susceptible to illness. And this is what happened to her. She was having trouble breathing in November of 2012, just months after she was considered "cured". Never thinking she was going to die, she was hospitalized around Thanksgiving and placed on a ventilator shortly after arriving to the U of Mn medical center.  This time she had pneumonia. It was coming with a vengeance and she wasn't strong enough to fight it this time. 

I could tell you that raising her children is no different than adoption, but that wouldn't be accurate. When someone dies, there will always be questions. And for two little boys who are confused and just want their mom back, some can be harder than others. 

In the last year I spend time answering questions I didn't know the answer to. Around Halloween Ben asked, "Katie, you know those skeletons outside of graves in people's yards,  Is that what my mom looks like"?  "Why can't we drive to heaven or take a rocket ship there"?  "What is heaven really like"? "Why can't we just visit"?  "My mom looks like Mulan, can we go to Disney world and see Mulan"?  

How do you answer questions that even we, people of Christ and grown adults, don't have the answers to. 
I've tried to get children's books about heaven. We have a great one that we read from time to time. I know that it's not necessarily a true account of what heaven really is, but the boys love it. It makes it look like where their mom lives is magical. And I believe it really is. 

Sometimes at bed time we talk about how smart mommy was, or how much she fought to live for them. How much Jake looks like her and how Ben has her beautiful hair.  Ben talks about a little girl, Annabella in his kindergarten class, who he has a crush on.  She looks "exactly like mommy did" when she was little.

Sometimes on my bad days where insecurity gets the best of me I'm reminded that I'm doing the best I can. And that I although I'm not her, I'm me. And I have things to offer the kids that compliment her love for them. We were different women.  And the boys both got some of the best of her, and i will instill in them the best of me. Raising these boys is teaching me patience, unconditional love, strength, humility, how to laugh, how to pray and heck I'm even learning math all over again.  

So for today I will remind myself of one of my favorite bible passages. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. But in all ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths".  Proverbs 3:5-6

Thank you Jesus for this amazing life and these amazing people. I don't take this life for granted. Not for one second. 

Until next time, 

Katie