I used to dream about my wedding day when I was younger. Over time I kind of gave up dreaming about it. I just never thought it would happen. I remember when I got engaged, I had no idea where to start. Im so thankful that I was able to dream again and that my wedding day was more amazing than my best dream. Im beyond thankful that my parents helped us out financially and didnt give up on my dream, even when I did.
This picture below is one that has truly captured my heart. For the last year I have been dating not only Sam, but his kids as well. He was a package deal. We were full time caregivers of two little boys, and yet needed to find time to get to know each other and fall in love as well. I knew that if I was going to fall in love with Sam, I had to love his kids too. And over the year, I fell madly in love with them. Their hugs and their kisses, snuggles and kind words. Their amazing and generous hearts and their ability to love and forgive was what pulled me through on tough "mom to be" days.
And that is why I decided to say vows to the boys as well. I thought of how Erika would have wanted me to love her boys, how she would have hoped that someone would have treated them and care for them. So here is a copy of the vows that I said to the boys for anyone who is interested.
Ben and Jake-
I promise to love you with all my heart.
To be your mommy here on earth until you meet your mommy in heaven.
I promise to remind you very often, about who your mom was, how much she loved you and how hard she fought to live for you both.
I promise to support you, help u follow your dreams, guide you to make good decisions, pray with you when I tuck you in tight at night, be your biggest cheerleader and remind you everyday how special you are and how much you are loved.
Thank you for letting me share this life with you guys. Thank you for your hugs, kisses and cuddles. Thanks for your reassurance that I'm doing a good job with this mommy thing. Thank u for forgiving me when I forget mayo on your lunch sandwich or forget to pack your library book, snacks or snow boats in your bag. I feel as though we are growing up together. Thank you for telling me that my cooking is good, even if you really don't love it. Every day spent with you two is the best day.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world that I get to help raise you guys and to marry your dad. Thank you for sharing your dad with me. Letting him go on date nights and vacations alone with me even though I know how much u miss him when he's gone.
Know that I love you and will be here to support you no matter what. You are such amazing gifts and blessings to
me.
AND I MEANT EVERY WORD. I realize that this parenting thing is so hard, and loving someone else's kids brings "hard" to a whole new level. But what I realized is that they deserve all those things. They were innocent victims of what cancer can try and do to families. The devil wants to think that when cancer destroys a person, it takes down everyone else too. I have already stated in the past that "with God, everything will eventually work out". And that is why we have turned to God in our relationship, in our parenting and in our daily life. Because what a lonely scary world it would be if we tried to control everything? And what a peace it is to know that God is driving this scary ship called "life". We just need to make sure he is in the drivers seat.
On our honeymoon, we witnessed the beauty of Maui, Hawaii. I even told Sam that our week there was the best week of my life. There are no words or pictures that can describe how truly beautiful that place is. Sam said it perfectly one day, "this water color isn't even a color that exists, it is so perfectly blue and beautiful". I couldn't agree more. I found myself sitting on a catamaran on our last day, where we were snorking off Molokini Crater and I had tears in my eyes. This picture doesnt even do it justice.
I was day dreaming in the sun, thanking God for this life. Thanking him for a second chance at being in love and being genuinely really happy. For placing this man and this family in my life. For my heart that was able to heal and love some other woman's kids. Erika's sole purpose in life was to be a wife and a mom. It was now my job to make sure her family is loved and cared for. I was thankful for a heart that will make sure that her memory stays alive in this house. For allowing me to finally become a mom, even though it was not the plan that I originally had for myself.
I get choked up even thinking about it. Life is meant to be lived it is meant to be beautiful. That doesn't mean that there wont be hard times. And as someone told me in Hawaii on the day we saw this rainbow, "You cant have rainbows without the rain". And that my friends, pretty much sums up the love story between Sam and I. Today, Im thankful for the rain and the rainbows.
