A special birthday celebration…..

Grief…..it holds no boundaries.  There are no rules, no time limits, no judgments.  It is real and it is hard.  Losing a child, losing a spouse, losing a parent or a sister.  It is the one part of life that is constant and guaranteed, but I am learning that everyone grieves on their own conditions and with their own perimeters... on their own time.

This past Saturday was not only a part of memorial weekend, but it would have been Erika's 43rd birthday.  We knew that we were going to do something to celebrate her life with the boys, but we didn't have a plan. 
She was adopted from South Korea as a little girl.  She was abandoned on a doorstep.  
She was adopted by Mary and Jeff and was raised in a loving family in Alexandria, Mn.  She went on to be a successful student, physician's assistant, wife and mother.  She was a fighter from day one, and for that,  her life, (even though it was cut short) needs to be celebrated and remembered.

Sam and I had a feeling on Friday night that Erika's mom was struggling.  She missed her daughter, and she missed her grand babies. The boys had moved away from Alexandria a few years ago, and they don't get to see them as much as they used to.   The pain felt from the loss of their daughter, felt as real and raw today as it did three years ago.  Erika's parents, and her family wouldn't be able to celebrate her life WITH her ever again, but why couldn't we celebrate the woman she was anyway?   
So we had a last minute plan.  We packed our bags and our car and headed on 94 to Alexandria to surprise Mary (Erika's mom). With the help of Erika's dad, Jeff, we pulled it off.  What joy we saw in her eyes when she saw us(especially Ben and Jake).  I realize that those are the things that make grief tolerable.  They make that pain of loss just a little more bearable. Just when she thought that she and Jeff were alone and no one else felt the pain they were feeling (even if its been 3 years), we did.   Seeing Erika's two little boys, who hold parts of her, comforts what can no longer be seen in her physical body.  How beautiful, amazing and precious those little guys are to all who loved Erika.  

Before we left our house, the boys made homemade cards and we planned to buy balloons to release into heaven.  Ben and Jake meticulously wrote out wishes, and drew pictures in hopes that these letters would make it all the way to heaven and Erika would receive them.  Ben kept repeating "I just can't stop thinking about her on her birthday". "I miss her".   And that is a good thing.  It gives us time to talk about her.  She would be so proud that they are learning to read, write, color, spell.  She would be so glad that they are excited to keep her alive in this house, and we are too.

We purchased balloons that they could let go of at the grave.

And when we got to the grave, the rain was coming down.  It was symbolic in many ways.  Tears of sadness of a life cut short by an aggressive cancer that is still taking the lives of so many today.  A cancer that has a disappointing 25% survival rate. A reason that our work in fighting to find a cure for this disease isn't over.  A headstone with picture on it of a beautiful family torn apart by the violence of this awful disease.  And two little boys who look to a headstone, in a cemetery to find their mom.  To find some sort of comfort.  They look to the sky, hoping that the balloons that they release will make it to her.  That she will be happy and proud of them.

I gave them a moment to be a alone with her, and their thoughts.  I sat in the car just looking on.  There really are no words that can explain a little boy squatting next to his mom's grave on a rainy day…….a day that she would've turned 43 years young. Its sad and its wrong on so many levels. 

  Its a weird place to be in when you are looking out of a rainy car door window at YOUR future, grieving THEIR past. To look at a headstone that has my husband's name on it Oct 20, 1970-, where he is supposed to be buried by his first wife when he dies.  So many emotions, so many thoughts. 

 I pray about it, and I prayed about it on my run that morning before we left.  I was asking God to give me courage to let my new family and my loving husband celebrate the amazing mom and  wife she was.  Praying to God for an unselfish and giving heart.  Praying for the Lord to support me as I walk this journey with them throughout the years.  That these hard days are part of the process of "loving her family".  The hardest part of marrying a widowed man and being the mom to children of a deceased mom.  I was asking God for help to honor her and let them continue to love her,  knowing that it has no reflections on the feelings they have towards me.  I give God all the credit and praise for my strength in this situation.  Because she deserves to be remembered and celebrated.  She is the reason Sam knows how to unconditionally love with patience and understanding.  She is the reason I get to be a mom, and love two little boys.  

After the cemetery we ate cake, looked at old pictures and we listened to stories and conversed about her.  We didn't cry, we laughed.  Because we all know that for as hard as this is and has been for her family, we believe in a heaven and we believe in Jesus Christ.  We know that she is free of pain, and free of troubles.  That gives her family comfort.  We will keep honoring her and her memory. She is the woman who gave birth to Ben and Jake and fought like hell to be around to watch them grow up.  

Saturday was a special day in many ways.  When we left Alexandria, we know that life will move on until the next hard day.  That is how grief works.  And it may get easier over time, and it may not.  But we will continue to fight for her. We will continue to work to find and fund a cure for the cancer that killed her.  We will honor her in the boys lives.  With the help of amazing people in our lives and Jesus, we will move forward.  She would want that for her family.  I know that in my heart.

With Love,

Katie

Its my first mother's day!  Im officially a momma!  Although, most of you know,  I didn't become a mom the traditional way.  I didn't carry these boys for 9 months, I didn't go through the complete body change or the emotional swings.  I didn't feel my babies kicking inside of me, and I didn't go through the labor to have them……..She did.  She went into labor on Sam's birthday.  It was her greatest gift to him.

She struggled with infertility for years and was finally able to conceive through IVF.  Two beautiful, healthy little boys. 
She deserves to be remembered today.  After all, I wouldn't be a mom without her.  She was smart, kind and beautiful inside and out.  Her soul purpose in life was to be a mom and a wife.  It was taken from her far too soon and for that I grieve for her.  But we know where she is.  She loved Christ and she lived her life for him.  So we celebrate her today, tomorrow and everyday.  God bless you Erika and thank you.  

Mother's day…... This day can have so many meanings to so many people.  Some people are grieving the loss of their own mother.  Some people are grieving the loss of a child.  Some women are grieving their miscarriage or fertility problems and the child they are unable to have, or the baby they lost before it was born.  This day can exaggerate feelings of sadness and loneliness.  I have friends who have lost their mothers, friends who have lost their children and plenty of friends who have experienced a miscarriage.   I hope and pray that they can find peace today, knowing that their loved ones are in the arms of the Lord.  

This day used to be hard for me.  I dreaded it actually.  Sure, I was a Godmother and an aunt, and I had a mom, but it wasn't the same.  I longed for something more.  I wanted children of my own, I wanted a purpose.  I watched my friends walk through motherhood together, sharing stories and advice.   I was so jealous and my heart was full of pain from it.  At the same time I didn't want to show it or admit it to them.   I wanted to share in their happiness too, they deserved that.  I remember the years of hosting friend's baby showers, visiting their babies in the hospital (eventually their second babies), birthday parties, baptisms, and gender reveal parties. I hid the tears and pain for years because I felt like I was choosing to stay stuck in a life where I was letting someone else control my destiny. I could've been a mom and should've been a mom earlier, according to "my plan".  
I felt guilty for being sad and for shedding tears over their happiness.  I remember when one of my very best friends called me to tell me she was pregnant, she was the last one of our friends besides me to have child.  When she told me I started crying, I couldn't help it.  She was so kind and so understanding and she cried with me.  She said "Katie, it will happen for you too, I just know it.  You just have to get to a place in your life where you can make it happen".  And for as much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right.  I now know that place I needed to be, was with God in the drivers seat.  A place where I was not longer controlling my destiny or letting some other man control it either.  I would give it up to God.  
I credit God for getting me through all of those moments.  They gave me amazing memories and bonds with my friends and their kids that I am so grateful for today.  I have the most amazing people to turn to for advice and support and for that I am so blessed.  That was "Grace" and that was God.   I wasn't even close to being aware of it at the time.  

I received my first Mother's Day gift today!   Handmade cards and pictures.  What is it about these homemade presents from a 6 year old that can bring you to tears in an instant?   They were both so proud to give them to me today.  Here is a small sample of each of them.  My heart be still…..

(Notice the weight, age and favorite drink……oops:)

This picture below is my favorite though.   The fact that their favorite thing about me is that they know I love them.  This is a picture of me putting Jake to bed.  We go through a routine every night of reading a book, prayers and thanks to God, and lots and lots of kisses and I love you's.  Trust me, there are nights when the last thing I want to do is read to them.  On the days I work its even harder.  But it's so important.  Working and being a mom can be so tiring.  
Our motto in our home is "I love you more".  Sometimes bedtime gets delayed because "I love you more" goes back and forth 10 times. Sometimes the kids take it to the level of "I love you trillion times up to heaven and back".  Its my favorite part of the day.  
Children should never have to question if they are loved.  They should know without doubt how loved and supported they are.  I want them to always feel safe, and I know they do.  Its my soul purpose as a mom to raise them in a house filled with love.  
Even on our hardest day.

So today Im thankful that I can celebrate Mother's Day weekend with my new family, my children!  Who knew that a weekend filled with sports, church, family breakfasts and dinners and snuggles on the couch could be so fun! ??  Today two little boys call me MOM. I never knew this life could be so fulfilling and special?   

  So CHEERS to all my amazing mom friends who are on this journey with me. To those I have known for years and those who I have never met,  I am so thankful for all of you.  Thank you for helping me learn the ropes of this mom thing,  for all the support, advice and encouragement and most of all for listening to my story.  You are loved and appreciated more than you know, moms.  I now agree that this is the hardest, yet most rewarding job we will ever have in our lifetime.  

If I have any advice I can give now that I'm a mom, just make sure to find time for yourself and your husband. Its necessary for your own health and the health of your marriage.  It will make you a better mom to your kids in the long run!  Trust me on this:)

God bless you all and Happy Mother's day! 

Its been two weeks since we said "I do"!  Two weeks since the very best day of my life.  There are no words that can explain the love I felt in the room that day.  The love from our friends and family, the love from people I didnt even know that well, and the complete and total love I felt from my new husband.  The fact that we were able to have so many people who loved us and supported us on our journey there to celebrate, was priceless.  I really hope that people felt the love and felt God's presence in our day.  He was there and the love was abundantly overflowing.
I used to dream about my wedding day when I was younger.  Over time I kind of gave up dreaming about it.  I just never thought it would happen. I remember when I got engaged, I had no idea where to start.   Im so thankful that I was able to dream again and that my wedding day was more amazing than my best dream.  Im beyond thankful that my parents helped us out financially and didnt give up on my dream, even when I did.

This picture below is one that has truly captured my heart.  For the last year I have been dating not only Sam, but his kids as well.  He was a package deal.  We were full time caregivers of two little boys, and yet needed to find time to get to know each other and fall in love as well.  I knew that if I was going to fall in love with Sam, I had to love his kids too.  And over the year, I fell madly in love with them.  Their hugs and their kisses, snuggles and kind words.  Their amazing and generous hearts and their ability to love and forgive was what pulled me through on tough "mom to be" days.

And that is why I decided to say vows to the boys as well.  I thought of how Erika would have wanted me to love her boys, how she would have hoped that someone would have treated them and care for them.  So here is a copy of the vows that I said to the boys for anyone who is interested.

Ben and Jake-
I promise to love you with all my heart.
To be your mommy here on earth until you meet your mommy in heaven.
I promise to remind you very often, about who your mom was, how much she loved you and how hard she fought to live for you both.
I promise to support you, help u follow your dreams, guide you to make good decisions, pray with you when I tuck you in tight at night,  be your biggest cheerleader and remind you everyday how special you are and how much you are loved.
Thank you for letting me share this life with you guys. Thank you for your hugs, kisses and cuddles. Thanks for your reassurance that I'm doing a good job with this mommy thing. Thank u for forgiving me when I forget mayo on your lunch sandwich or forget to pack your library book, snacks or snow boats in your bag. I feel as though we are growing up together.  Thank you for telling me that my cooking is good, even if you really don't love it. Every day spent with you two is the best day.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world that I get to help raise you guys and to marry your dad. Thank you for sharing your dad with me. Letting him go on date nights and vacations alone with me even though I know how much u miss him when he's gone.
Know that I love you and will be here to support you no matter what. You are such amazing gifts and blessings to 
me.



AND I MEANT EVERY WORD.  I realize that this parenting thing is so hard, and loving someone else's kids brings "hard" to a whole new level.  But what I realized is that they deserve all those things.  They were innocent victims of what cancer can try and do to families.  The devil wants to think that when cancer destroys a person, it takes down everyone else too.  I have already stated in the past that "with God, everything will eventually work out".  And that is why we have turned to God in our relationship, in our parenting and in our daily life.  Because what a lonely scary world it would be if we tried to control everything?  And what a peace it is to know that God is driving this scary ship called "life".  We just need to make sure he is in the drivers seat.

On our honeymoon, we witnessed the beauty of Maui, Hawaii.  I even told Sam that our week there was the best week of my life.  There are no words or pictures that can describe how truly beautiful that place is.  Sam said it perfectly one day, "this water color isn't even a color that exists, it is so perfectly blue and beautiful".  I couldn't agree more.  I found myself sitting on a catamaran on our last day, where we were snorking off Molokini Crater and I had tears in my eyes.  This picture doesnt even do it justice.  

I was day dreaming in the sun, thanking God for this life.  Thanking him for a second chance at being in love and being genuinely really happy.  For placing this man and this family in my life. For my heart that was able to heal and love some other woman's kids. Erika's sole purpose in life was to be a wife and a mom.  It was now my job to make sure her family is loved and cared for.  I was thankful for a heart that will make sure that her memory stays alive in this house.  For allowing me to finally become a mom, even though it was not the plan that I originally had for myself.

 I get choked up even thinking about it.  Life is meant to be lived it is meant to be beautiful.  That doesn't mean that there wont be hard times.  And as someone told me in Hawaii on the day we saw this rainbow, "You cant have rainbows without the rain".  And that my friends, pretty much sums up the love story between Sam and I.  Today, Im thankful for the rain and the rainbows.

One week from tomorrow I get to marry my best friend and the love of my life. I thank God for him everyday. I thank God that he loves all my imperfections and that he accepts me for who I am. 

Today I found myself praying, thanking the Lord for this home that is filled with so much warmth and love.  For finding someone who makes me feel so safe and so loved.  I haven't been married before, I never had a home i called my own and never had children. I  thought I was going to be the "always a bridesmaid...never a bride girl". But as God and maybe a little luck would have it, Prince Charming was placed in my lap.   
He was broken, I was broken.  As as the song by Casting Crowns goes, "Broken Together" was how I described us when we first started talking.  And we were friends far before we were anything else.  Some days I call him my soul mate.  Ive never met someone who I "fit" with more than I "fit" with him. 

Because this love story has been built around tragedy I know that I won't be the only woman he thinks about on our wedding day. I'm fully aware that when Sam wakes up next Saturday he will be excited that he's marrying me, but his heart may also bear some heaviness. He will probably be thinking of this day below, too.  He might remember how she looked, words or kisses exchanged.  How truly happy he was.

How on that day 12 years ago, he thought he was going to grow old with her.  Have a family, get wrinkly and grey together. Maybe retire and travel the world.

 Never did he imagine having to bury her at the young age of 39.  

He actually might wake up feeling guilty for being happy and for finding love again.  And Im fully aware that if this happens my heart will be secure enough in the love he has for me, that I can carry him through it.  That God will carry him through.  

My prayer for this amazing, kind, generous and loyal man, is that he can find peace in our day and embrace it knowing a few really important things…….

That he loved her and that the promises he made on THEIR wedding day were upheld completely.  He loved her, cherished her, and "chose" her, "In sickness and health and until death due us part".  He honored her as a wife and the mother of his kids.  He put her first after God and he followed through with his word and his promises. 

He honored that……and It's part of the reason I fell in love with him. 

Last month Monty Williams, assistant head coach of the Oklahoma City Thunder NBA team spoke at his wife's funeral.  She was killed tragically in a head on collision by a distracted driver at the age of 44, leaving behind 4 or 5 kids.  His eulogy included speaking about how "things will always work out when God is involved".  How "Jesus heals hearts and God causes all things to work out", "no matter how tough things may seem or how much pain will be involved initially".  

Sam never thought he could love again, and I see his smile slowly coming back over time. By leaning on God, things eventually did work out.  He found his smile again. He fell in love again.  He didn't laugh much or joke much when I met him.  He laughs now, he jokes again.  I pray that he knows that Erika would've wanted him to smile again, and laugh again.  He deserves that and so do his kids.  

So next week I ask that you keep us both in your thoughts and prayers and we embark on this amazing journey of a new marriage and family.  I ask that God will bless us as husband and wife and as parents. That I will always be able to keep Erika's memory alive in this house and that the boys grow up knowing that they have two moms that loved them.  

Because through God, all things DO work out and WILL work out.  We just need to believe and trust.  

Happy Easter and God bless you all!

Katie

Raising someone else's children has come with amazing blessings as well as challenges. On so many days I wonder what she would have done in certain situations and how she would've handled things. I feel guilty on my worse days because I know how hard she fought to be their mommy. 

They tried for 4 years to have these boys. She always knew she wanted to be a wife and a mom. It was her calling and purpose.  I love the pic below of her babymoon. She was glowing. Carrying two healthy little boys and she was about to have her dream come true. 

 Just a short two years after they were born she was diagnosed with cancer. You could say that life is not fair.....Mom's aren't supposed to get sick, right?  But unfortunately cancer doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care about your loving husband, or your 2 year old twin boys at home who need you.  It didnt care that she was a doctor who dedicated her life to helping others. She was in for the battle of her life. She was a follower of Christ. She believed that she could be healed.... And ideally she was. Cancer didn't kill her. 

She spent months at home, celebrating another wedding anniversary and the boys 3rd bday.  She was able to open presents with them, blow out candles and play games. 

What an amazing blessing those few months were. 

Quick education on leukemia and blood cancers. Many people require a bone marrow transplant after chemotherapy.  This wipes out the immune system, making one physically weak and susceptible to illness. And this is what happened to her. She was having trouble breathing in November of 2012, just months after she was considered "cured". Never thinking she was going to die, she was hospitalized around Thanksgiving and placed on a ventilator shortly after arriving to the U of Mn medical center.  This time she had pneumonia. It was coming with a vengeance and she wasn't strong enough to fight it this time. 

I could tell you that raising her children is no different than adoption, but that wouldn't be accurate. When someone dies, there will always be questions. And for two little boys who are confused and just want their mom back, some can be harder than others. 

In the last year I spend time answering questions I didn't know the answer to. Around Halloween Ben asked, "Katie, you know those skeletons outside of graves in people's yards,  Is that what my mom looks like"?  "Why can't we drive to heaven or take a rocket ship there"?  "What is heaven really like"? "Why can't we just visit"?  "My mom looks like Mulan, can we go to Disney world and see Mulan"?  

How do you answer questions that even we, people of Christ and grown adults, don't have the answers to. 
I've tried to get children's books about heaven. We have a great one that we read from time to time. I know that it's not necessarily a true account of what heaven really is, but the boys love it. It makes it look like where their mom lives is magical. And I believe it really is. 

Sometimes at bed time we talk about how smart mommy was, or how much she fought to live for them. How much Jake looks like her and how Ben has her beautiful hair.  Ben talks about a little girl, Annabella in his kindergarten class, who he has a crush on.  She looks "exactly like mommy did" when she was little.

Sometimes on my bad days where insecurity gets the best of me I'm reminded that I'm doing the best I can. And that I although I'm not her, I'm me. And I have things to offer the kids that compliment her love for them. We were different women.  And the boys both got some of the best of her, and i will instill in them the best of me. Raising these boys is teaching me patience, unconditional love, strength, humility, how to laugh, how to pray and heck I'm even learning math all over again.  

So for today I will remind myself of one of my favorite bible passages. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. But in all ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths".  Proverbs 3:5-6

Thank you Jesus for this amazing life and these amazing people. I don't take this life for granted. Not for one second. 

Until next time, 

Katie 

Dating and then becoming engaged to a man who has lost his wife, comes with challenges as well as blessings. It requires strength and confidence that I never knew I had in me. Some days are harder than others. Her birthday, their anniversary, Christmas, the day of her death, the kids birthdays, the date of her diagnosis, the first day of school, the day they learned to tie their shoes, the first time they got a perfect score on a math test. They are days we are all reminded that our initial life "plan" didn't turn out how we originally thought it would. At times I'm sad she's missing it. But then I realize that she has a better seat than any of us. 

She spent the last 3 weeks of her life struggling with pneumonia, after beating acute myeloid leukemia. Her death wasn't anything that was really expected at that time. The pneumonia came on hard and aggressive. Sam never left her side for three weeks. 

The survival rate for AML is 1 in 4. She died from complications of her leukemia but not from the cancer itself. She also died a few weeks before Christmas. I can still see the pain in her family's eyes every Christmas. I try to remember that this may always be a tough time for them and it doesn't mean they aren't happy or don't really care about me...... They just miss her. 

The boys were born on Sam's birthday. He tells the story about how Erika took him out to dinner for his special day and when they got home he threw in a movie and she yelled from upstairs that her water broke and it was time to have the babies. They were born before midnight Oct 20, 2009, on Sam's 39th birthday. Little did he or anyone know how special this birthday gift she gave him really was. When she died it was his reason to stay living and his purpose to go on without her. 

This past year I helped Sam throw the boys their 6th birthday. Someone even commented that instead of easing into this parenting role, I was being "thrown in the fire". That makes me laugh because it's kind of how I felt that day. 25 kids 25 adults, gifts, Dave and Busters, decorations, Star Wars cake and a whole lot of chaos. It was the first time I thought to myself, " ok, breathe, you've got this, and for as hard as this is there is no place you would rather be, so enjoy it". 

My life before these guys was 100 percent my own. No responsibilities besides a job and no one who really "needed" me. Now, my days start by getting back packs ready for school and making sure the boys have all the necessary things for their school day (snow pants, gloves, hat, boots, red folder, blue folder, snack, library book). Some days the kids would remind me that I forgot their snack, or their library book. I joked that I'm allowed some "mom" fails as I'm new at this. But this is also usually followed by God's grace. Jake or Ben reassuring me that I'm a great "mommy" and "our mom would be so proud of you" and "Katie, we love you so much". This is what I mean by the Lord making sure that if you are going to be "thrown in the fire" that he will give you guidance on how to not be burned. Thank you Jesus. 

So with that, I'm learning to be there for my soon to be husband on those special days. And step back if and when he needs to process those days. And never to question if he brought flowers to her grave on her birthday, or visited her on their wedding anniversary. Because those are things I'm taking on by marrying my "chapter 2". 

I'm excited to keep her memory alive in this house. The boys deserve that. And we can have our own love story without Sam having to forget his first chapter.

He is a different man because of what he went through. Because he realized how precious time and people are. And because he knows that in a minute everything can change. In in life all you really have is love and faith.  All the money in the world won't save us. So we focus on the here and now. 

We are where we are meant to be. right here and right now.....

And oh how blessed we all are. 

Until next time, 

Katie 

If you would have told me 15 years ago, that I would be marrying a widow, a man who lost his wife tragically to complications from her leukemia at the young age of 39, I would have thought you were nuts. 
I had plans.  Plans to create my life, the way I wanted it.  I was in control, or so I thought.  So I sat, and I waited.  I waited on someone else to decide my life for me.  Until one day. 
Erika Rodriguez's funeral was on a snowy morning in Alexandria, Mn, about 140 miles north of Minneapolis.  It was cold and it was about a week before Christmas.  I knew her, not well.  But something about this woman and her story drew me in.  Today I could chalk it up as a divine experience, but I didn't know it then.  I sat at the funeral next to a man who I had spent 13 years of my life with.  A man who loved me "conditionally" and at times destroyed my spirit.  It was that day, and on that two hour drive, Dec 15 2012, that I realized I could no longer live my life the way I was living.  I needed more.  God had a plan and a purpose for my life and I realized that I needed to stop trying to control my plan and let go and "let God". 
It wasn't an easy process.  I had fear.  Oh how I let fear control me.  I didn't know how to live without this man.  What I know now is the person I thought I couldn't live without, was actually the one thing that was causing me not to live at all.  I don't blame him anymore.  I was a grown woman who was in control of my thoughts and emotions.  I just didn't know how to process all of them, especially feeling so completely helpless and out of control.
Fast forward a few years.  Because, yes, it took that long to really let go and let God be in charge of my life.  And the day I did, in May of 2015, my life forever changed.
I gave myself to God and I knew that my purpose in life was to step in any raise Erika's kids and marry her husband Sam.  They were waiting patiently for me and I have not regretted a day in my life since. 
What I realize is that God doesn't bring you anywhere, or give you anything in life, without giving you the necessary "instructions" on to handle it.  Whether that be through people, finances, prayer, church, daily peace, etc.  I remember thinking about how I was going to handle raising these boys with Sam.  I was an "auntie" to so many little people, but I really didn't know how to raise a little person.  And God knew.  He had and has a perfect plan.  He has placed amazing women in my life who have given advice and support as moms themselves.  He has placed the most supportive and loving man in my life who has been so patient and kind.  He has given me an opportunity to work less, while still providing us financially with everything we need.  We have found a Christian home "Living Word" where we find prayer and peace through God's word.  We have found an amazing neighborhood that anyone with kids would dream of living in, and great friends who live next door to us.  Our home is warm and filled with love.  For all of these things I am beyond grateful. 
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".  Jeremiah 29:11

I have decided to blog this journey because it is unique and divinely inspired.  I hope to grow and help others grow too.  So join me on this adventure. 
God bless

Katie