Its my first mother's day!  Im officially a momma!  Although, most of you know,  I didn't become a mom the traditional way.  I didn't carry these boys for 9 months, I didn't go through the complete body change or the emotional swings.  I didn't feel my babies kicking inside of me, and I didn't go through the labor to have them……..She did.  She went into labor on Sam's birthday.  It was her greatest gift to him.

She struggled with infertility for years and was finally able to conceive through IVF.  Two beautiful, healthy little boys. 
She deserves to be remembered today.  After all, I wouldn't be a mom without her.  She was smart, kind and beautiful inside and out.  Her soul purpose in life was to be a mom and a wife.  It was taken from her far too soon and for that I grieve for her.  But we know where she is.  She loved Christ and she lived her life for him.  So we celebrate her today, tomorrow and everyday.  God bless you Erika and thank you.  

Mother's day…... This day can have so many meanings to so many people.  Some people are grieving the loss of their own mother.  Some people are grieving the loss of a child.  Some women are grieving their miscarriage or fertility problems and the child they are unable to have, or the baby they lost before it was born.  This day can exaggerate feelings of sadness and loneliness.  I have friends who have lost their mothers, friends who have lost their children and plenty of friends who have experienced a miscarriage.   I hope and pray that they can find peace today, knowing that their loved ones are in the arms of the Lord.  

This day used to be hard for me.  I dreaded it actually.  Sure, I was a Godmother and an aunt, and I had a mom, but it wasn't the same.  I longed for something more.  I wanted children of my own, I wanted a purpose.  I watched my friends walk through motherhood together, sharing stories and advice.   I was so jealous and my heart was full of pain from it.  At the same time I didn't want to show it or admit it to them.   I wanted to share in their happiness too, they deserved that.  I remember the years of hosting friend's baby showers, visiting their babies in the hospital (eventually their second babies), birthday parties, baptisms, and gender reveal parties. I hid the tears and pain for years because I felt like I was choosing to stay stuck in a life where I was letting someone else control my destiny. I could've been a mom and should've been a mom earlier, according to "my plan".  
I felt guilty for being sad and for shedding tears over their happiness.  I remember when one of my very best friends called me to tell me she was pregnant, she was the last one of our friends besides me to have child.  When she told me I started crying, I couldn't help it.  She was so kind and so understanding and she cried with me.  She said "Katie, it will happen for you too, I just know it.  You just have to get to a place in your life where you can make it happen".  And for as much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right.  I now know that place I needed to be, was with God in the drivers seat.  A place where I was not longer controlling my destiny or letting some other man control it either.  I would give it up to God.  
I credit God for getting me through all of those moments.  They gave me amazing memories and bonds with my friends and their kids that I am so grateful for today.  I have the most amazing people to turn to for advice and support and for that I am so blessed.  That was "Grace" and that was God.   I wasn't even close to being aware of it at the time.  

I received my first Mother's Day gift today!   Handmade cards and pictures.  What is it about these homemade presents from a 6 year old that can bring you to tears in an instant?   They were both so proud to give them to me today.  Here is a small sample of each of them.  My heart be still…..

(Notice the weight, age and favorite drink……oops:)

This picture below is my favorite though.   The fact that their favorite thing about me is that they know I love them.  This is a picture of me putting Jake to bed.  We go through a routine every night of reading a book, prayers and thanks to God, and lots and lots of kisses and I love you's.  Trust me, there are nights when the last thing I want to do is read to them.  On the days I work its even harder.  But it's so important.  Working and being a mom can be so tiring.  
Our motto in our home is "I love you more".  Sometimes bedtime gets delayed because "I love you more" goes back and forth 10 times. Sometimes the kids take it to the level of "I love you trillion times up to heaven and back".  Its my favorite part of the day.  
Children should never have to question if they are loved.  They should know without doubt how loved and supported they are.  I want them to always feel safe, and I know they do.  Its my soul purpose as a mom to raise them in a house filled with love.  
Even on our hardest day.

So today Im thankful that I can celebrate Mother's Day weekend with my new family, my children!  Who knew that a weekend filled with sports, church, family breakfasts and dinners and snuggles on the couch could be so fun! ??  Today two little boys call me MOM. I never knew this life could be so fulfilling and special?   

  So CHEERS to all my amazing mom friends who are on this journey with me. To those I have known for years and those who I have never met,  I am so thankful for all of you.  Thank you for helping me learn the ropes of this mom thing,  for all the support, advice and encouragement and most of all for listening to my story.  You are loved and appreciated more than you know, moms.  I now agree that this is the hardest, yet most rewarding job we will ever have in our lifetime.  

If I have any advice I can give now that I'm a mom, just make sure to find time for yourself and your husband. Its necessary for your own health and the health of your marriage.  It will make you a better mom to your kids in the long run!  Trust me on this:)

God bless you all and Happy Mother's day!